I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
