We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
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