I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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