I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
