I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
