im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
