I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize
