Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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