a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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