no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Randomize
