just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
