I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
