if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
