I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
This gyro tastes like lonliness
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
