I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
That's how pantless uber rides happen
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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