I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
