At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize