You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
