I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
