The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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