Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Randomize
