Fine. I'll sleep in my office
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
