I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
The air was thick with penises
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
