I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
