my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
