i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
