The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
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