Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
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