So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
