just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
