I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
