i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
