you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
