I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
