remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Randomize
