his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
