I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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