dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
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