trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
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