New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
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