you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize