you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
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