A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
