She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
