So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
