It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
