Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
