I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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