Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
