What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
zippers are such a cool invention
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
