Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
if i can run in heels then i can drive
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
