Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize