at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
how does that bad decision feel?
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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