Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
smell my finger.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
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