I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
you never un-have a 4some
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
