Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Let's paint friendship bongs
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
i need some magic done to my vagina
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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