you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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