i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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