I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
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