finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
