so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
