I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
