Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Randomize
