AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
