Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize