if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
is it fun? or sober?
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
