I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
