I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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