nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
