My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
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