We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Randomize
