Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
