don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
