this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
she looked like the before picture.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
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