she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
