Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
