he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
