i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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