You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
