This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Ladies don't puke and tell
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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