My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
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