Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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